i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
