Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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