did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
