i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
