This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
