Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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