but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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