I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
