Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
