he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
