my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
