thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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