walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
