Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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