she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
