you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
