since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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