I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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