Can Purell be used as lube?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
