I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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