he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
