I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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