i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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