Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Is it because I queefed?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
