I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
