omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
