He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
