If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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