one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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