My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
