We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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