I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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