Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
