so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
