Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
