I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
