i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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