Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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