I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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