If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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