she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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