whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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