I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
