mondays should just be called national damage control day
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
