is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
