A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
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