Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
