i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
