His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
