You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Damn victory sex feels great
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