All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
