how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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