Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
